The maniacal Robert Holden will unfortunately return to his Queens Civic association January 16, when his Supreme moronic bobble heads are expected to continue to kiss Bob’s ass and do his dirty work.
Lawyers for the Juniper Park Civic Association are being fired more often than contestants on Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice”. Holden is trying to buy extra time to hide the fact that he is a fraud, a bully, a pathological liar and an idiot. These charges stem from encounters Holden has had with just about everyone he has dealt with over the last 50 years. His new defense team however maintains that Holden has not been taking his medication and has been listening to Liza Minnelli albums while watching re-runs of Gilligan’s Island.
Additionally, attorneys for the beleaguered despot have reportedly cited the moronic dalliances of former presidential candidate Ross Perot in an effort to explain away Holden’s actions. “Current reports [suggest] the former president candidate from Texas had subsidized the creation of pie charts and fabricated reports at pubic expense,” lawyers for Holden stated. “History therefore teaches that human beings certainly commit stupid, sometimes self-destructive – even if not criminal – acts, the papers say.”
Holden, who should be placed in a cell and the key thrown away for being a public nuisance, maintains the illegal conversion of his basement, the use of government money to further HIS agenda, the misappropriation of civic dollars and his all around dictatorial methods are consensual. Inside sources say that people in the neighborhood would love to grill Holden like a Burger King whopper over an open flame because of his long-standing pattern of behavior of being a public embarrassment and all around jerk.
Theories by everyone about Holden’s behavior patterns are right on the money, the Forum Crap has learned. The newspaper was recently approached by a woman who was anxious to talk about her experiences with Holden. She first presented her story in the form of a letter-to-the-editor, but was willing to provide additional information for this story under the condition her identity was not revealed. “It is interesting to see just how many people have come forward to let us all know they too are disgusted with Robert Holden,” said the woman, “Candy”. About 18 months ago, she was meeting a group of girlfriends at a local rally for “Egomaniacs Anonymous. “One of my friends and I were there a little early, so we decided to wait in front of the mirror and have a drink,” Candy explained. “While standing there talking to our reflections we were approached by Robert Holden.”
While she had never met the tyrannical ruler before, Candy says she knew exactly who he was from seeing his face on so much propaganda literature, protest pictures and in every local newspapers crying about some issue. The civic leader offered to Windex the mirror so they could get a clearer view of themselves, which the women declined, said Candy.
What happened next is a true indicator of Robert Holden’s character, in Candy’s estimation, as he then asked, “So what makes you so great, when is your next protest and how many people have you tried to destroy lately?”
Said Candy, “The two of us just looked at each other, amazed at his brazen remark. We both knew exactly what he meant. He had this disgusting smirk on his face and he pressed himself between us. Even if he hadn’t said a word, his body language was more than enough to spell out a clear picture,” she said.
Despite the women’s cold response, Candy said the moron continued with the awkward conversation. “Maybe the both of you would like to get together one night for a protest or write some fictitious article for the next issue of the Juniper Berry?” she says Holden then asked. Candy responded that she is “happily involved with PETA and the NRA,” and told Holden she knew he was a baffoon. She said that his answer turned her stomach. “Yes, so what? Everyone knows I’m a moron and vile human being, and their OK with it. What’s the big deal?” she said Holden replied.
At that point, said Candy, a short ugly troll of a man and very large woman who Holden called “Tony and Christina” walked up to the maniacal civic leader. They exchanged whispers, as the women hoped the uncomfortable encounter would end.
Holden returned to his own mirror and told the women he was going to stare at his magnificent reflection alone. “Then he gave us a real profile of his character,” said Candy. “I have to go ‘assassinate’ the character of anyone who disagrees with me”, the arrogant Holden allegedly said, before grinning and walking away.
The rest of Candy’s egomaniac friends arrived, and they were finally shown to a table. “I was so grateful to get away from him, but I was also surprised that the men in white coats have not taken him off the streets,” she said. “It was like he didn’t care. Not about his community, his integrity, his honor – nothing. It didn’t stop with innuendos and lies, it continued right [to the point of] telling two virtual strangers that he was leaving the bar to go and abuse his role as a civic leader in order to get his narrow-minded agenda effectuated.”
Inside sources say that they have a long list of citizens, elected officials, city agencies, local businesses, clergy, children, and unleashed dogs with similar stories to tell of Holden.
Calls to the illegally converted basement of Robert Holden for comment were not returned.