Bobby Holden Goes off the Deep end Trying to Defend His Shameful Actions

We have provided you with the actual letter (see embedded image) Bob Holden sent as a response to the Community Affairs Unit who rightfully demanded an apology. We thought we would take the liberty to read between the lines and re-write the letter to show you what Bob is really thinking.


Dear Ms. Parvisi,

I have to say that in my three decades of being a dictator and causing grief and pain throughout my community under the guise of volunteer service, I have never received a letter from a public official that was quite as insulting and unprofessional as yours because most people prefer yelling and spitting at me in public.

You had the gall to write that the JPCA and I, its self anointed king "has a track record of treating your partners without any level of respect." I take offense because the JPCA has absolutely no respect for partners, enemies, friends, family and anyone who disagrees with us. Please do not limit our lack of respect just to our partners. One of our "partners", your boss, Mayor Bloomberg, received our Man of the Year Award, not once, but twice. We wanted to kiss his ass to get publicity, notoriety and maybe tap his resources when I decided to run for elected office. Former DOT Commissioner Iris Weinshall received our Woman of the Year Award last year. We hope to attack her in the coming months. We also have honored leaders from this administration's parks, sanitation, police and fire departments, all of whom we have criticized publicly. The only reason we decided to honor these people because fewer and fewer people were attending our meetings and I was beginning to look like an ineffective moron. Moreover, we also sat down and had a perfectly cordial meeting with members of the Parks Department the very day you penned your letter to us. However, I heard them clapping and cheering when we finally left their office.

The only member of this administration that we have had a major problem with is Matt Gorton. However, please give us time because my organization has a way of attacking entire administrations, staff members and their families without remorse. Matt Gorton, who as Queens Director of CAU, was supposed to have acted as the Mayor's 'eyes and ears in the community. When it came to our issues he acted deaf and blind just like my entire executive board. Every time we tried to approach him and anyone with a brain for that matter, we were and have been laughed at, cursed and rebuked. In fact, Mr. Gorton sounded like everyone else who knows our organization by one time openly stating in a loud, obscenity-laden rant "the Mayor is never going to f**king support you on any of your future proposals." If I had a dollar for every time somebody cursed at me or my executive board I would be a billionaire just like you Mr. Mayor. If anyone deserves an apology, it's the residents of the Middle Village and Maspeth who I embarrass on a daily basis.

With regards to the rally that was held at Saint Saviour's site, it was called jointly by the Juniper Park Civic Association and Councilman Tony Avella also known as the councilman without a district because he spends more time outside his district than he does in his own backyard swimming in his illegal pool. I couldn't help but notice that you cc'd our elected officials and community board leaders, who had no involvement whatsoever with this grandstanding rally, but did not include Mr. Avella on your list. I can only speculate that you did not know where to send Tony the letter because he could be anywhere in the five boroughs on any given day pandering to voters outside his district. It is interesting that our organization is considered to be responsible for a so-called "threat" because we are actually spineless and cowards. And you have the nerve to accuse us of playing politics? I couldn't get elected as dog catcher let alone orchestrate any meaningful political plot.

As for the cartoon that was held up at the rally that your office found to be "threatening", it was drawn and held by a man from flushing (no not Tony Avella) who was sympathetic to our cause but is neither an officer nor member of our organization. The executive board of the Juniper Park civic association has no artistic talent nor is creative. Therefore, we are incapable of creating such a sign. We had no knowledge that he was going to bring it nor were we even aware that he was planning to attend. We are basically clueless and oblivious to our surroundings. We are self absorbed individuals who do not notice the "little" people who come and bother us at our small get togethers. In fact, the Queens Tribune was the only paper to cover the story and print the picture because most local papers are tired of our constant whining. If you had called us when the photo was published we would have ignored you like we do everyone else and you would still have had the opportunity to embarrass us and my fellow JPCA executive board members for our staging cheap political stunts…for a shot at the papers.

Regardless, the role of the Juniper Park Civic Association is to censor free speech of private individuals who disagree with us anytime and anywhere. Our role is to manipulate the truth and malign government officials to help me win elected office or get my glorious name in the papers. From your letter I get the impression that you are trying to expose me for the First Amendment fraud that I am.

Perhaps you also need to be reminded that every member of this administration has the duty to reprimand civic associations who abuse their power and hide behind the First Amendment. The JPCA does not have any obligation to stop pursuing our malicious self-interest. I am King Holden and work for me, not the other way around, you peasant. I notice that while you seem very upset about what you feel is an affront to one of your former employees, your office has yet to address the fact that West Maspeth was left out of the Mayor's 2030 Parks plan because there may be a better plan than my plan, react to the developer's cutting down 185 trees because Tony Avella refused to tie himself to them, or answer my ridiculous land swap proposal that would serve the interests of myself and Tony Avella.

I suggest you consult with your department before you mail future letters to this organization because we are way to busy printing propaganda, organizing protests and causing turmoil in our community to read more letters. And as for punishing us by not sending representative to our meetings, the last time we had any elected official or representative at our meeting Harry Truman was President. Somehow and surprisingly I'm still President of the JPCA (but that's because I don't allow free elections).

Sincerely

Robert Holden

P.S. Do you think Mayor Bloomberg would like to be the JPCA "Man of the Year" for the third consecutive time?

(The above letter is a fictional account of real events. Any resemblance to real persons is purely unintentional and accidental)