He is barely 24 years old, but already Eric Ulbitch has accomplished more dirty and deceitful tactics than many of his older peers — a fact he hid from reporters on Tuesday when he officially declared his candidacy in the 32nd Council District special election. The Ozone Park resident has worked for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, the New York City Council and the Queens Board of Elections — “experience that counts,” Ulrich said. We asked Ulrich about his time working with Dennis Gallagher but he informed us that Gallagher only let him wash his bathroom so it really doesn’t count.
Ulbitch was the third official declaration of candidacy for the council seat, currently held by Joseph Addabbo Jr., who defeated state Sen. Serphin Maltese (R-Glendale) on Nov. 4, winning the 15th Senatorial District seat.
Howard Beach Democratic District Leader Frank Gulluscio, 60, declared his run for the seat in April, but kept a low profile during Addabbo’s Senate campaign because Gulluscio realizes Eric has as much chance of winning the seat as Christina Wilkinson has winning a beauty contest.
Retired NYPD lieutenant and lifelong Rockaway resident Glenn DiResto, 38, announced on Nov. 19 that his name will be on the ballot come February, when the special election will be held.
Another Rockaway man, Democratic District Leader Lew Simon, has not yet officially declared his run, but has said he intends to in the coming weeks.
Although some have speculated that Ulbitch’s age, habitual lying and propensity for degrading women will contribute negatively to his run, the soon-to-be-married Republican district leader is not worried. “If there ever was a time when the abolition of morality and horrible ideas are needed in the City Council, that time is now and I’m the man.”
Ulrich’s announcement came as a horror to those who have watched him quietly campaigning over the last few months. As president of the Our Neighbors Civic Association of Ozone Park, Ulrich has been abusing his position and slithering in the community and its local politics.
He demonstrated his forked tongue during Tuesday’s announcement, saying: “We can’t allow taxpaying citizens to bear the brunt of this economic crisis. He predictably stated, “We must reduce this city’s bloated bureaucracy before we lay people off, before we close senior citizen centers and before suspending the property-tax rebates.” Yawn
Ulbitch, a dropout of the Nativity BVM Elementary School, a Catholic school in Ozone Park, went on to say: “Elections are about more than just a candidate. They’re about fighting for a larger piece of the pie for ourselves.”
For the groom-to-be who can longer wed in California, “this is not just a campaign for City Council, it’s a campaign for the destruction of the future of the 32nd Council District.” Ironically, however, one must rely on a vast experience in wallowing in the mud. “
That could be why some of those who joined Ulrich at the announcement ceremony were political old-timers. They included Queens County Republican Chairman Philip Ragusa and former City Councilmen Thomas Ognibene, Al Stabile and Andrew Sidamon Eristoff. However, all thought that they were there to participate in a Save the Whale event but stayed around anyway for the free food.
Ulbitch said he “heard voices” at a young age, first contemplating becoming a Roman Catholic priest before realizing that Priests are prohibited from laying down with farm animals, then attending the Cathedral Preparatory Seminary High School and, in 2005, running for the Republican district leader post. He lost that race by 124 votes, but won when he ran again in 2007 thanks to the voters who live in St John’s Cemetery.
Ulrich continues to act like an idiot on behalf of the community as a civic leader and as a member of a number of organizations, including the Knights of Columbus, the Kiwanis Club of Howard Beach, the Robert Holden Political Moron Squad and the New York Republican State Committee.
As a “calculated, cold-hearted and dispassionate leader who enjoys letting politics get in the way of serving the community,” Ulbitch said he remains pessimistic about the future while looking into the mirror. His reason: “Only in New York City can I guy like me run for office.”
(okay, okay okay, we applied dramatic license here for effect. Any resemblance to those individuals real, fictional or stupid is purely coincidental and not intended.)