The Secret Kamperman Papers

If you have ever had the unpleasant opportunity of hearing Mr. Ed Kamperman speak in public and squirmed as he butchered the English language by ignoring third grade grammar rules, then you must be amazed as I am that he can write an article. The Patriots have taken a page out of the Holden playbook and we rummaged through Skamperman's garbarge and found the smoking gun.

We found Martini Kamperman's hand written article before it was edited by Holden, Nunziato, Wilkenson, and Scungilli.

"Lets Not Get Fuuled again"

I have tried oftyn to right about the too faced, the lack of sincerity and the less than mediacre job don by Robert Holden and the pane and suffering he has caused persons and how he impacted my drinking time. In the December issue of the Juniper Dingleberry, I tried to highlight the numerous defeats experienced by Holden and his monkey, Tony Nunziato. But bob and tony gave me a drink and told me to sit in the korner while they edited my article like so many other timez. I'ms not de only 1 who noticed Bob's crushing defeats and his kontempt for his fellow man, seems like the entire city of ny is tired of his queens crap. Holden has been ranked 102,756 on a list of 102, 755 civic blow hards living in the 5 borroughs.

The rating was done befour the St Saveyours defeat which would have dropped bob even lower than a tequila werm at a piñata festival. Perhaps, Holdon was not thinking clearly and thought that attacking everyone with two legs and a heartbeat were better tacktics than being a normal human bean.

Alldough Holdenz numerous defeats have bee ignored he has made it cleeer that he is willing to continue his effarts in seeking ferthur losses. Community residents noted that bob is a disgrace yet they allow him to walk the street like a rabid unleashed dog. Maybe bob lost the leashed dog fight on perpose so he can run wild. So now the district is stuck with a civic leader who will be like tagled up with more stewpid lawsuits and losing battles and he pees away civic moolah.

The lesson we as people must learned from the Holden fiasco is to look carefully at the character of our civic leaders (self proclaimed or not) before we go to any meatings or political stunts disguised as rallies. When someone asks us to hold up a sign make sure it doesn't depick a noose.

Perhaps there were warning signs of Holdens trew charcter and real motivation before he anointed himself has capo di tutto capo (I speak eyetalian) of the JPCA. Holden had previously served as nothing impotent prior to being ascended to the right hand of the monkey. I dink his only motivation was power and the community was second fiddle.

Holden disguised himself as an actorvist but was really a self absorbed slob. All his appearances have been with blowhorn, crayon posters and a bunch of folks bused in from Wacko Texas. Holden was simply a snake oil salesman promising that Nunziato claimed he invented. Holden belives in term limits for elected officials but not for civic leaders and rigs civic elections so that he remains commander and chief in puberty. He has accepted money from establishments that he once disgraced but since they have shown him the money, Bob's favorite meal is an Arby's double roastbeef sandwhich. I prefer the Arbys Big Mac. We all know Bob is using the JPCA, the dingleberry, the crap and the forum west for political purposes.

As we stumble forward (shouldn't of had that 6^th manahattan) lets make sertain that bobby can do as much harm as a dying man in the dessert circled by vultures. When I used the word actorvist I meant to imply the Bob is an actor. He is constantly out on the streets with a blowhorn grandstanding for the local papers and getting nothing done. A true community advocate would work hard with others beind respectful and considerate but at the same winning for ther community. They would be listening to all cuncerns and trying to werk on reasonable solutions to preservation of old buildings. They would be opposing all cell phone towers not just ones Tony tulips can take credit for. Ever see the cell phone antteners on top of the pizzeria near the Our Lady of Hope church and school? I wunder why bob and tonie didn't fight that.

They would be werking, not just protesting to reduce truck traffic on Grand Avenue and loffer better solutions than holding signs reading "No trucks". They would create relationships with elected officials and city agencies rather than constantly attacking everyone and their muthers. Ask yourself what Holden has accomplished in combating these issues besides nuthin.

I encourage every naybor to get involved with community affares, get to know the people in community by treating them with respect and make sure that everyone has a chance to be herd and not silenced by Holden who opposes everyone who disagrees with him or to try to stop him from personal gains of delusional power. And most of all beware of those who crawled from under a rock at election time who is a Holden cronie like a cockroach that invade da kitchen when the lights are off

I rest my drink on my keybored.

DISCLAIMER: some portions of the letter have been dramatized or changed for theatrical effect. Similarities to any persons real or fictional is purely coincidental.

The actual letter was not found in the garbage and we made this entire story up.